Larry sued by a famous actress

Larry is in serious legal trouble as a well known actress/model pursues legal actions against his website.

Larry was quoted "What? that picture doesn't even look like her. It's my ex-girlfriend that is in the picture. How can she sue me for taking a picture of someone that looks like her. She is crazy!"

The model/actress in question could not be reached for comments.

Larry Action Figure Anatomically Incorrect

Consumer Advocate for Unsafe Toys Division of Federal Safety Commission has issues an warning that Larry Action Figure may not be suitable for children, or adults for that matter.

The spokesperson for the Center stated that this toy is a gross misrepresentation of Larry or any human being for that matter and borders on pornographic.

Larry could not be reached for comments.

Larry snubbed by People Magazine once again

People Magazine has once again snubbed Larry for Sexiest Man Alive honors. For last ten years, Larry has been considered one of the sexiest man in his neighborhood (According to Larry's mom ), yet People magazine has completely ignored Larry's sexiness once more.

People magazine could not be reached for comments.

Larry Suing Universal Studios

Larry's lawyer released a statement today that Larry Enterprises, LLC. will be pursuing a copy rights infringement law suit against Universal Studios.

Larry claims even though the movie itself was somewhat different from his life story, the title of the movie was stolen from his autobiography.

Universal Studios could not be reached for comments.

Jessica Still Not Inteterested in Sleeping with Larry

Even after the public split with Nick, Jessica still claims that she is not interested in sleeping with Larry.

Larry reportedly said "I didn't want to sleep with her anyways, I just wanted to have sex with her"

Jessica Simpson could not be reached for comments.

Larry Stalker Finally Arrested...

A long time Larry stalker was recently apprehended. When the authority final caught this elusive stalker and asked why she has been stalking Larry, she simply replied "Who is Larry?"

Larry has been protesting outside the court house for her immediate release.

Seven Year Old Boy falls into a coma

Seven year old Jonnathan was hurried to the nearby hospital after falling into some type of coma.

The incident happened Friday evening shortly after the baby-sitter arrived.

Jonnathan has not had any medical problems prior to this incident, but they are observing him cautiously.

The spokesperson from the hospital stated that it seems that some type of "trance" has put little Jonnathan into a coma. We are not sure what it was that caused it...

Martha Stewart Released, But Has No Plan to See Larry

Larry has reportedly fallen into a deep depression after hearing the news that Martha has no plan to visit him.

Larry stated "It really hurts. I mean all those hours of protesting for her release at a local Waffle House, and wearing 'FREE MARTHA' T-shirt.. I am really disappointed that she is not grateful for all that I have done for her. She is so much like all the other women... no appreciation for how hard I try to please her."

Martha Stewart would not return our phone calls.

Paris Hilton and Larry Still Not In Speaking Terms

Paris Hilton and Larry are reportedly no longer in speaking terms. When asked about it, Paris replied "Who is Larry?"

Larry's publicist stated that Larry feels Paris is too much of a "skank" at this point for him to continue his friendship with her. When asked about alleged "skankiness" of his own, Larry's publicist stated that none of those are true, and that Larry's solicitation charges were dropped last week..

Larry Loses 2004 Presidential Election

To the dismay and surprise of many, Larry lost 2004 Presidential Election to George Bush.

When asked about this unfortunate and unexpected outcome, Larry replied "George is a hoser, aye"

George Bush could not be reached for comments.

Long Bathroom Breaks Lessen Work

Darth Vader is upset with the Storm Troopers taking long bathroom breaks and ignoring mounting work against the rebellion.

Darth Vader is displeased with the progress made toward finding Skywalker and his friends, and says that he plans to cut off a finger of the next offender.

When asked about this new policy, a Storm Trooper commented "Yikes, I am just glad it's a finger and not something else..."

Darth Vader could not be reached for comments.

FDA warns of dangers of "Larry Diet"

U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has announced today that "Larry Diet" may be dangerous for general public and may be the cause of over 70 heart attacks and strokes reported last month.

"Larry Diet" consists of steady consumption of caffeine and sugar throughout the day.

Larry reportedly has said that "if you want to look good, there are prices you may have to pay. Do you think I can look this good without botox shots and occasional nose bleeds?"